Blog

I keep checking my phone… no text back from my last message, no missed phone calls, no DM from social media. Has he posted anything on Facebook or Instagram??? Let me check… Ok his last post was 3 hours ago so he’s still alive….OMG… Have I been “Ghosted”???? I’ve seen this happen to many people including my closest friends… and yes it’s happened to me too! The concept of someone disappearing when faced with an uncomfortable emotional situation is not new but the term “Ghosting” and its popularity after the onset of technology and social media is relatively newer. Ghosting in a nutshell is the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication. It’s a very hurtful experience if you’ve ever gone through it whether it was through a close friendship like mine or a romantic relationship. It invokes feelings of rejection and ostracism and is really linked to a passive aggressive form of emotional abuse. Its definitely unhealthy and I hate that it has gained so much traction and popularity but from my experience many of these situations, not all but many, can be avoided by good old fashioned direct communication to gain clarity on where you both are in the connection, friendship or whatever. 

Well…is there a bigger life and maybe even leadership lesson to this painful experience? Actually there is…I got Ghosted and then I got Innovative!

What? Gigi what does that mean? Well, I knew very quickly that my past method of approaching relationships was flawed. I had to face the fact that I am a passionate, love-hard person whether in friendships or in romance. It’s very difficult for me to be flaky. Once my heart and emotions are involved, I’m all in. The flipside with that is when I hurt, I hurt hard. For many of us, having an emotional setback is not isolated to our personal lives. The impact affects all areas i.e., business, recreation, etc. For me, the loss of the friendship in my personal life caused me to lose focus, confidence and motivation in my professional life all of which are the perfect ingredients for business failure. It was then that Innovation was birthed… more like “Gigi 2.0.”

Innovation is a new idea, creative thoughts, new imaginations in form of device or method. Innovation is often also viewed as the application of better solutions that meet new requirements, unarticulated needs, or existing market needs.” My greatest need wasn’t better relationships, it was an improved Gigi. Life’s experiences for me like many others had come with its share of pain and disappointments. I needed a life vision that would light a fire under me and give me a new heart that would motivate me. For me, an honest talk with God about the changes I needed to make produced not only an amazing picture of Gigi 2.0, living at the highest level possible in total life prosperity, but also a better plan for making this a reality. The following are 3 action steps that produced Gigi 2.0:

1) Take Ownership-One thing I refused to be was a victim. I knew, regardless of how wrong or unfair I thought the other person was, the only control I had was over my OWN actions and reactions. I had to take my power and control back that I had given over either out of frustration, desperation, loneliness or fear. This is LEADERSHIP… taking ownership of your part in the breakdown. This in no way absolves anyone else from their responsibility to communicate better but it certainly helps us see that many issues originate from what we allow. Once I adopted this mindset I realized that the breakdown was not happening “to” me but “for” me to create better connections that are more aligned with my goals.

2) Be Present– I am a visionary. This is great for leading teams and business initiatives. However, the flipside for having this gift is sometimes the details of the masterplan get lost because the attention is focused on the “Big Picture.” This actually plays out in my personal life as well. I’ve gotten SO caught up with getting to the end result that I’ve missed the details in behaviors and negative communication clues that would have saved me from disappointment and heartbreak had I been present and paying attention. Foresight into future success can fuel the flames of one’s life-purpose, at the same time, be careful that you’re not so focused on the future and how you want things to be that you miss the present adjustments that need to be made in today’s reality.

3) Know What You Want-Sometimes, whether in personal relationships or in business, communication breakdowns occur when we don’t first have clear expectations of what is necessary for the connection to be successful and secondly we don’t have clarity on how to communicate the expectations in a way that all parties understand. I know for me some of my biggest personal and professional flops came from assuming we were on the same page only to realize later either through a breakdown in a process or through a strained relationship that we weren’t seeing through the same lenses and words/actions translated different messages than what was originally intended. It is so important to be crystal clear on what you want and equally critical to be able to effectively articulate it. When you have clear standards, you can more easily identify when behaviors don’t line up and can switch gears. Leaving it up to chance or interpretation is a setup for failure. If you are clueless about what you want I would suggest you start with seeking out examples of success that resonate with you to help you form your own blueprint.

Getting ghosted produced innovation, not in the sense of an improved process or device, but an improved ME. I put the action steps in place and now Gigi 2.0 is more focused, confident and motivated to achieve everything she always believed she could.